A Charge for Church Leadership: Speaking Out Against Sexual Abuse and Ministering to Survivors, Part 2

 

Read part 1 of this chapter, “A Charge for Church Leadership: Speaking Out Against Sexual Abuse and Ministering to Survivors” as appearing in Pneuma Review Winter 2014.

 

A Pastoral Perspective: Pastor-to-Pastor

One of the unfortunate lessons of the past few decades is that although sexual abuse within churches and church families has been well hidden, it is nevertheless a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Pastors and other church leaders (e.g., Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, women’s ministry coordinators) need to be prepared to respond to sexual abuse both proactively—by clearly addressing the problem, condemning the practice, encouraging victims to seek help and healing, and providing guidance, resources, and accountability for those who are at risk for abusing others—and reactively—by being ready to respond appropriately, helpfully, and scripturally to victims who come to the church for help. So how can we do that? Where can we turn? And what are some of the challenges along the way?

An excerpt from The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused, edited by Andrew J. Schmutzer.
Several terms, prompted by an asterisk (*), have been defined by pastors, therapists, and theologians that contributed to the book and are included in a select glossary. Please also continue the conversation with Andrew Schmutzer as he answers questions throughout this series.

Some Serious Recommendations for Serious Realities

One of the important lessons learned by the Religion and Violence e-Learning (RAVE) team at the University of New Brunswick is that pastors feel unprepared to respond to those who have been victims of abuse. Our studies among hundreds of pastors have shown that only 8 percent believe that they are well-prepared to respond.¹⁴ In our research at seminaries, we have found that the rate among seminary students preparing to graduate is even lower. Additionally, we know that many pastors never address the issue of abuse from the pulpit, and our seminary research suggests that one of the reasons is the fear that if the issue is addressed publicly from the pulpit, victims will come forward and the pastor will be unprepared to deal with the aftermath. This current state has many implications. For example, if abuse is not addressed effectively from the pulpit and in men’s and women’s ministries, in youth groups and appropriately among children, there is the very real danger that victims will simply remain silent while they continue to be victimized or not receive needed care. Such silence will often be interpreted by both the victim/survivor and the broader community as complicity with the acts of violence—or at least an inability or unwillingness to confront the problem of sexual abuse head-on.

Since sexual abuse is closely related to issues of power and authority, the abuser may be able to enforce a “code of silence” that keeps the victim from speaking out. If the abuser is a church leader, the victim may feel that they have a responsibility to protect the church by keeping the abuse a secret. If the abuser is a family member, the victim may feel that to disclose the abuse would be to destroy the sacredness of a marriage or a family unit. Defining, effectively addressing, and condemning sexual abuse by naming it publicly in a sermon are important ways of disempowering the abuser and providing the victim or survivor with the permission they may feel they need to seek help and safety.

Pastors are probably right in the belief that if they address the issue of sexual abuse from the pulpit, they will need to be ready to respond to victims who feel that the sermon has given them permission to seek help. Since most pastors feel unprepared to respond, they mistakenly decide it is better not to address the issue at all and hope that it isn’t happening in their congregation. Indeed, victims or concerned families can be desperate to find help when the issue is brought into the open, but these leaders often have the wrong strategy. Instead of deciding to keep the issue hidden, pastors need to prepare themselves to respond.

Many pastors seem to have the mistaken impression that being prepared to respond to victims of sexual abuse means fulfilling the role of a qualified family therapist. That is not the case. In fact, it is those pastors who are least prepared to respond who are most likely to attempt to “fix” the problem by counseling or advising the victim and/or the abuser. Such attempts by unqualified pastors can cause great harm. Pastors who know how to respond when a victim comes seeking help understand two things.

First, as trained shepherds, they are qualified to provide spiritual care, guidance, and support to the victim of the abuse. Victims of sexual abuse who are part of the faith community will have many questions about God, about themselves, and about the abuse that has happened—or is still happening. Throughout that difficult process, pastors can provide the biblical guidance, spiritual care, and prayer that is so essential to the healing process. Pastors are qualified to address the issue of sin in the life of the abuser. They are also able to mobilize the church community to respond in love and in grace to provide practical support for the victim and offer various kinds of accountability structures for the abuser.

Second, well-prepared pastors also understand that they are not qualified to provide more technical counseling or therapy, legal opinions, or law enforcement. For these important aspects of the response to a victim of abuse or assault, pastors need to be familiar with and be ready to refer to other qualified resources in their wider community—resources that may include people within their congregation and also resources in the wider community. When a member of the congregation discloses to the pastor or to another church leader that they are being sexually abused, the pastor needs not only to know who to contact but also needs to have built good working relationships with those people so that referrals may be made with confidence.

For example, when a female victim of sexual abuse needs to go to a women’s shelter so that they are safe from the abuse, it is important that the pastor be able to do more than look in the Yellow Pages to see who to call. A wise pastor will have already visited the nearest women’s shelter and built a relationship with some of the staff members so that the pastor and the shelter workers can work together in the interests of the victim—the pastor providing spiritual guidance and support, while the staff members deal with the practical issues of keeping the woman safe from harm. Similar relationships can be built with law enforcement, with counselors and therapists, and with other community resources. It helps a victim a great deal when the pastor can confidently recommend a qualified counselor or therapist who will understand the victim’s faith.

Ongoing Needs among the Wounded

Wise pastors have also learned to be sensitive to those in their congregations who have been victims of abuse. When describing marriage or family in teaching and sermons, it is important that biblical ideals be portrayed faithfully and honestly, but it is also important to relate that too often marriages and families are marred by sin and brokenness. When families are proclaimed from the pulpit as God’s perfect plan and when families are praised as the ideal way for children to be raised, pastors need to remember that many marriages and families—even in churches—are deeply marked by abuse.

In light of the examples of family life that are included in the Scriptures, it seems surprising that so many pastors are tempted to preach the “perfect family” sermons that victims of abuse find so difficult to hear. When we look at the families in the Bible, it seems that God went out of his way to make it clear that even in homes of faith there can be terrible wrongs. God chose to include in Scripture many Old Testament stories of people—some of whom were kings and priests—who did terrible things to members of their own families as well as to others. Surely the biblical concept of the family needs to be portrayed with a clear understanding of how sin can affect that which is intended by God to be such a nurturing, loving relationship. Immediately, examples of the trafficking of Joseph (Genesis 37) or the rape of Tamar (2 Samuel 13) come to mind, but there are many others as well.

Pastors who decide that they would rather not address the issue of sexual abuse need to realize that when such serious problems are allowed to stay hidden in the church, victims or survivors continue to endure physical and emotional pain even as their concept of God and his love for them becomes distorted. A church where abuse is never addressed is a church where people are not safe from being victimized. Furthermore, such unaddressed behaviors can also do irreparable damage to the witness of the church. Additionally, when the abuser is a church leader and the abuse is allowed to continue unaddressed, it can destroy the very fabric of the congregation, possibly even separating families.

Ministering to the Reality of Shame

The issue of shame also needs to be considered by church leaders. Sexual abuse leads to shame on so many levels.¹⁵ The abuser often uses shame to keep the victim silent, and the victim may feel ashamed to come to church, believing that if others knew what they were enduring they would be rejected or shunned or misunderstood. But another powerful aspect of shame is the desire of church leaders and members to maintain the illusion that abuse never happens in churches, or that it doesn’t happen in this church or in this denomination. Such attitudes can keep a church from ministering to the hurting as Jesus would (Matt 20:34; Mark 1:41). By recognizing that sexual abuse is an important issue for churches and addressing it publicly, pastors have the opportunity to turn the shame into an opportunity to care for the hurting. By shattering the myth that “there are no victims here” and proclaiming that the church is a place where victims are welcomed and loved, the sin is named, the shame is broken, and the church is freed to begin reaching out with the love of Christ to care for its wounded by providing an atmosphere of grace and understanding and by providing acts of love that demonstrate in practical ways that the gospel is not limited to those who are from “ideal” families.

We have heard very troubled responses to talks about ministry to church members who are victims of abuse. Often the response is one of shame or *denial or embarrassment, that there would be such problems among God’s people. Such shame and embarrassment shows a lack of understanding of who we are. We must remember that Jesus invited hurting people to come to him to find rest for their souls. Instead of feeling shame, we can rejoice that hurting people are in the pews of our churches. Maybe the very reason that they are in church is because they are seeking to respond to Jesus’ invitation—they need rest for their souls. Instead of portraying the church as a place for perfect people, we can define the church as a place for those who are hurting and broken. When churches do that, we will no longer be ashamed of the issue in the church, nor will we be ashamed to have survivors in our midst. And victims will be able to worship with us without feeling shame. Realizing and acknowledging that there are victims in the church becomes an opportunity for ministry and healing, and shattering the silence will make the church an inviting place for victims to come to find spiritual strength and to experience God’s grace at deeper levels. The church is a healing house.

The Fear Behind the Anger

Not only can being a victim of sexual abuse lead to shame, it can lead to anger. Anger can be a very appropriate and righteous reaction to the injustice and evil of our world (Mark 3:4–5; Eph 4:26a), so it should not be surprising that those who have been the victims of the injustice and evil of sexual abuse would feel anger. However, anger is intended as a short-term response to an evil circumstance (Eph 4:26b). But the feelings of betrayal and pain experienced by survivors of sexual abuse are not short-term feelings, so for those who have been victimized, anger can become a way of life that affects all of their relationships in unhealthy ways and enables them to surround their bruised emotions with self-protective barriers that hide their feelings of vulnerability. What appears to others as hostility or obstinacy or an “unspiritual” attitude may actually be the outward manifestation of deep fears of being hurt or disappointed or victimized again. It will take time and trained help for victims to learn that although their trust has been terribly betrayed by an abuser, it does not mean they should never trust again. During that sometimes long process, religious leaders will need to show patience, compassion, and understanding in their response to angry survivors.

Our research has also shown that it is not only victims who are affected by fear. Our study among seminary students has shown that those preparing for pastoral ministry are also very fearful of responding to survivors of abuse. Students expressed to us a wide range of fears, from their concerns that they might “say the wrong thing” to a victim, to fears about dealing with their own personal issues (religious leaders may also struggle with abuse in their own past, which needs to be addressed), to fears that their ministry could be negatively and severely impacted by the discovery of abusive situations among church families. Such fears can lead to an unhealthy anger among church leaders toward the victims of sexual abuse. From our studies, it is clear that such fears among seminary students are related to a lack of preparedness to respond to victims. Those leaders who think they must by themselves “fix” the hurts caused by abuse are the most fearful. Those who realize that they can build good working relationships with therapists and advocates and other community resources are better able to respond in healthy and appropriate ways to calls for help from survivors.

Further Ideas and Recommendations

It is also important for leaders that we make as certain as we can that the church is a safe place, both to prevent victimization and to make those who have been victimized know they are emotionally and physically safe in our midst. Many churches have decided to address issues of safety in order to address liability concerns, but liability concerns should not be the church’s primary motivation. The primary reason for making certain that the church is a safe place is not to protect the church and its finances or to protect the church officers from lawsuits but to protect those who might be victimized from further harm.

Leaders need to be aware of ways in which the church may be a place where people are particularly vulnerable: the ease with which volunteers may have access to children and adolescents, for example, or the ways in which abusers in positions of spiritual authority may twist the meaning of Scripture to demand cooperation and silence from their intended victims. When churches begin accepting volunteers without adequate screening or supervision, we can put children and youth in great danger. When churches presume that people can be trusted simply because they are faithful attendees, liked in the community, or willing volunteers, we put children in danger. When churches have no policies in place to respond to concerns or troubling signs, we put children in danger and the wounded in harm’s reach. Moreover, when we do not explain to children and youth in the church how they should report inappropriate touch or inappropriate comments, we put them in danger.

The issue of screening church workers is an important one. In some churches, a “criminal record check” is the only requirement before volunteers are permitted to work with children or youth. Although the criminal record check should always be a part of the screening process, it is hardly adequate by itself. More important are interviews with the volunteers that explicitly address issues of sexual and physical abuse, and (especially if the volunteer is not well known) references from previous ministry situations that express unqualified confidence that the individual is not a risk to those with whom they work. But it should be remembered that even the best screening process is of little value without adequate and carefully enforced supervision policies and procedures. Vulnerable persons in the church should never be alone with a paid or volunteer staff worker, and procedures should be in place for reporting and recording any reasons for concern. Thus, background checks, references, interviews, and supervision must all become intentional practices in our churches. But there’s more we can do.

Ministry workers need to be trained to know how to respond immediately when children or youth report concerns, and church leaders need to make sure such concerns are addressed quickly and properly. Churches also need to know how to respond when a known sexual abuser is part of the congregation and attending services—especially if his or her victims are also part of the congregation. Additionally, church leaders should know what to do when someone from their congregation who has been a sexual abuser decides to go to another congregation where people will not know of their past. Churches have a moral obligation to protect those who have been victims and to make sure that others are not victimized because of the silence of the church.

Concluding Thoughts

Proclaiming that sexual abuse is wrong and never part of God’s design for healthy sexuality or healthy family living is part of the responsibility of every pastor of every congregation. Offering pastoral assistance to those who have been impacted by abuse is integral to the call of God to care for those who are hurting. It is also imperative to hold offenders accountable and to protect children, youth, and adults in our congregations from *predators. Church leadership needs to take these responsibilities seriously and to act accordingly. This may include offering their facilities to local *support groups run by professionals and/or peer mentors. Yet, pastors cannot—and should not—act alone. Rather, when clergy see themselves as part of a coordinated community response to victims, survivors, offenders, and those related to them, everyone will be better served. An awareness of the prevalence and severity of abuse—accompanied by an awareness of the various community-based agencies poised to assist—will help a pastor feel better equipped and help to protect a religious leader from feeling overwhelmed. Moreover, as religious leaders cooperate and collaborate with professionals in the community on the issue of sexual abuse, it strengthens the bidirectional relationship of referrals (between churches and their communities), and it also serves those most impacted by the trauma of sexual abuse. Speaking out on this issue shatters the silence. Supporting victims reduces the shame even while it applies the healing balm of Gilead to their wounds.

 

PR

 

For Further Reading

Clergy Sexual Abuse Project, www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct.

Grant, Beth and Cindy Lopez Hudlin, eds. Hands That Heal International Curriculum for Training Caregivers of Trafficking Survivors—Community-Based Editions—Part I; Part II. Springfield, MO: Project Rescue International and FAAST, 2007.

Kroeger, Catherine and Nancy Nason-Clark. No Place for Abuse: Biblical and Practical Resources To Counteract Domestic Violence. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2001.

Lile, Sherry, Debbie Tetsch, N. Nason-Clark, L. Ruff, and Christa Hayden Sharpe. “Counting the Cost: Caregiver Issues.” In Hands That Heal International Curriculum for Training Caregivers of Trafficking Survivors—Academic Edition, edited by Beth Grant and Cindy Lopez Hudlin, 290–324. Springfield, MO: Project Rescue International and FAAST, 2007.

Steven R. Tracy Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2005.

The RAVE Project [Religion and Violence e-Learning], www.theraveproject.org.

 

Notes

14. Nason-Clark, The Battered Wife, esp. chapter 4.

15. Tracy, Mending the Soul; also research by Diana Garland: www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct.

 

This chapter is from Andrew J. Schmutzer, ed., The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused (Eugene, OR: Resource Publications, 2011). Used by permission of Wipf and Stock Publishers. www.wipfandstock.com

 

About the Authors: Nancy Nason–Clark and Stephen McMullin.

Stephen McMullin is New Brunswick Program Director and Lecturer in Evangelism and Mission Acadia Divinity College (Wolfville, Nova Scotia, Canada). www.acadiadiv.ca/stephen-mcmullin/

 

 

 

Interviews with Andrew Schmutzer about The Long Journey Home: Understanding and Ministering to the Sexually Abused and his chapter, “A Theology of Sexuality and its Abuse: Creation, Evil, and the Relational Ecosystem” as appearing in Pneuma Review.

A Theology of Sexuality and its Abuse—Part 1 A Theology of Sexuality and its Abuse—Part 2

 

Interview 1 Interview 2 Interview 3