“Criticisms are the nails which keep us on the cross dead to self.”[1] At least they puncture the soul and lodge in the memory for a long time. Few church leaders maintain any self-esteem after an executioner (i.e., critic) nails them.

Leaders fear criticism in large part because it often determines how their followers evaluate them, whether the criticism is justified or unjustified. Sometimes leaders find it simply impossible to correct misconceptions even when they are totally false.[2]

At the same time, critics can spur leaders on to success. As William J. Diehm aptly says, “Many persons have become great trying to prove to their critics that they could do what critics said they could not do.”[3] Of course, to turn criticism into a motivation rather than a demotivation requires a deep residual confidence in the leader’s own innate abilities and a determination to persevere whatever the cost.

But, for such confidence and determination to succeed, leaders need at least a minimal amount of working knowledge about a critic’s motivation. For instance, some critics only need more information. Other critics like how things have been and need time to process changes. Another group of critics feels left out of the decision-making process. A few critics are right and require only a simple confession of that fact from the leadership. The worst faultfinders simply complain about everything because they feel depressed, ignored, or powerless.[4] In any case, leaders must cope with criticism constructively by means of the appropriate philosophical and practical responses.

Constructive Philosophical Responses to Criticism

Responding constructively to criticism calls for a philosophical mindset. Leaders must learn to evaluate their own need for personal approval from critics. They must also train themselves to expect criticism. Leaders must differentiate between destructive and constructive criticism. And, last but not least, wise leaders develop an appreciation for the role of their critics.

Evaluate the Need for Approval from Critics

It is not healthy for leaders to care too much about what people think. As John Ortberg explains, “To truly care for people requires not caring too much about their approval or disapproval. Otherwise, the temptation to give their preferences too much emotional weight is almost inevitable” (emphasis his).[5] Fear of criticism robs leaders of their objectivity and courage.

How liberating for leaders to realize that they “are not the passive victim of others’ opinions! In fact, their opinions are powerless until [leaders] validate them. No one’s approval will affect [them] unless [leaders] grant it credibility and status. The same holds true for disapproval.”[6] While leaders are not able to control what people do to them outwardly, they are able to control their influence inwardly.

Leaders need not pay attention to every word of criticism, especially if it comes from isolated individuals or incidents. However, leaders should make special allowances for loved ones that may criticize too freely because of the overly familiar relationship.[7]

Learn to Expect Criticism

Because church leaders are public figures and many people know them well enough to hurt their feelings, they are more vulnerable to attacks from critics than the general public. At the same time, leaders eventually become acquainted with their critics by observing how and what is criticized. Interestingly, people, especially a critic, tend to commend the strengths noticed in themselves and to criticize the faults detected in themselves.[8]

“When you are kicked and criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance,” reminds Dale Carnegie.[9] He then goes on to mention General William Booth, Thomas Jefferson, Admiral Pearcy, and General Grant as outstanding examples of persons who received plenty of unjust criticism because they attempted significant feats. Then he formulates this rule for dealing with criticism, “Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.”[10] After Carnegie cites the fact that even though Jesus’ was perfect two out of His twelve disciples turned on him (i.e., Peter and Judas), he asks if leaders should expect better statistics today?[11]

Differentiate between Destructive And Constructive Criticism

John C. Maxwell suggests three questions leaders should ask themselves to determine whether criticism is meant to be constructive or destructive: “First, in what spirit is it given? … Second, when is the criticism given? … [And] third, why is the criticism given?”[12] In other words, does the critic intend to be helpful or hurtful? Is the criticism leveled in public to humiliate or in private to heal? And is it given to improve the recipient’s efforts or to vent the critic’s emotions?

In the modern world, harsh critics repeatedly voice their unsolicited complaints to leaders via email without identifying themselves. To make matters worse, leaders find email difficult to interpret—there is no handwriting to study, no tone of voice to take into consideration, no body language to observe, and no eye contact to note, etc. These variables, in normal communications, may say more (maybe even the opposite) than the actual content of the verbal or handwritten criticism. In such cases, leaders are well advised to request a face to face meeting with the author.[13]

The old adage that “every criticism contains at least a nugget of truth” is plainly not true. Critics are regularly off base, cruel, thirsty for control, or even vindictive. Unfortunately, some church leaders have almost been driven insane in their search for the smallest minutia of truth in every reproof that comes their way. And thereby leaders lend needless credence to every criticism made against them.[14]

John A. Huffman brings up an important theological aspect in the differentiation between destructive and constructive criticism. He writes:

You can only be as good as God helps you to be. You can be too sensitive to criticism. You and I have to remember our theology. We are not perfect. Any claim to perfection comes through Christ’s work on our behalf. Our human efforts will always fall short of that high goal. God wants something more than our best. He wants us to yield ourselves to Him. He wants us to be obedient (emphasis added).[15]

Contrary to what most people think, the apostle Paul makes it clear that the glory of God illuminates better through common clay jars with flaws than it does through rare crystal bowls with no flaws (2 Cor. 4:7).

Develop Appreciation for the Role of Critics

Leaders might think they would like to be delivered from all of their critics, but in reality they realize critics do them a genuine service. Without critics, there might not be anyone to keep leaders honest and motivated to do their best. As a case in point, David kept Nathan the prophet in his court even after the latter confronted the king about his sin with Bathsheba.[16]

Huffman says leaders should appreciate their critics because they protect them from themselves.[17] If nothing else, critics make leaders examine their own motives and methods more closely than they would otherwise.

When leaders model the proper way to receive criticism, they earn the right to expect their followers to give constructive criticism. This healthy reputation serves as just one of the fringe benefits of learning to receive criticism well. Another benefit would be to facilitate the change process in the organization. Then when problems arise, people will be quicker to point them out knowing the leadership will not overreact to their concerns.[18] With the proper modeling, followers will also learn how to receive constructive criticism themselves.

How well leaders cope with criticism reflects upon their integrity and the image of the organization they represent.[19] When leaders acquire the skills necessary to receive criticism constructively, they win over many friends and supporters to their church or cause.[20]

Constructive Practical Responses to Criticism

In addition to philosophical responses, leaders also have at their disposal practical means with which to respond to criticism. For example, leaders who stay spiritually and physically fit are better able to avoid overreactions to criticism. Wise church leaders force themselves to remain calm at the outset of criticism. Leaders can refuse to allow critics to exercise total control over their lives or ministries. They can likewise decline to fight with their critics. And, furthermore, leaders can take advantage of various other means of coping with criticism.

Stay Spiritually and Physically Fit to Face Criticism

A valuable suggestion made by Maxwell is for leaders to stay in shape physically and spiritually. When a person suffers from physical exhaustion or spiritual depletion, criticism becomes more difficult to cope with in a productive manner. Coping skills require physical energy and spiritual resources.[21] And, of course, leaders must also let go of past emotional traumas from childhood, or previous ministry settings, and personal sins lest they overreact to a criticism maybe unleashing a flood of pent up feelings long unresolved.[22]

Remain Calm at the Outset of Criticism

When first confronted by a critic, leaders would be wise to stay calm and acknowledge that they heard the criticism. Then they should make certain that they have heard the critic correctly, maybe by repeating it back. Next, leaders should assure the critic that they will pray and think over the matter. In special cases, a follow-up letter to the critic may be appropriate.[23]

For instance, Charles Spurgeon advised leaders to ask critics to write down their criticisms, so that they can be studied carefully and at length to find the root of the ‘real’ problem. Though he quickly points out that from his vast experience most critics will refuse to do so. They prefer not to be so specific. General criticisms are more difficult to refute than are specific criticisms.[24] Leaders could also request that critics include possible solutions to the supposed problems in their written statements. Many issues are easier to criticize than they are to correct. After critics are confronted with the fact that simple solutions are not always readily available, they may well reconsider their censures. If they are not sincere, they will fear the risk of exposure that accompanies written correspondences. This suggestion is likewise a practical way to discover whether the criticism is constructive or destructive.

Do Not Allow Critics to Exercise Total Control

Church leaders must not succumb to a critic’s attempts to dominate their ministries or lives. When practical, sometimes the best course of action consists of merely ignoring the criticism, but not the critic. At other times, it may not be prudent to ignore the person depending on their influence and the nature of their criticism. In the latter cases, leaders may miss a chance to strengthen a relationship with a significant person in their church or organization if they remain silent. In any event, leaders should always resist the temptation to sulk, pout, or beat themselves up. And most of all, they should refuse to give up altogether.[25]

Another reason why leaders should not allow critics to run their lives is because leaders often exaggerate the number of their critics. Instead, leaders should weigh their critics, not count them. Some critics have significantly more influence than others do. A few may have more interest at stake in the issue at hand. Others are more easily dismissed. Critics themselves commonly tend to exaggerate the size of their following to increase their clout. Therefore, one person of influence should be given more consideration than a group of non-influencers.[26]

Openness on the part of leaders to constructive criticism does not grant critics permission to dictate all the details of their lives. Consequently, an appropriate initial response by leaders to criticism may include a simple verbal thank you followed by a commitment to think the matter over and to come to a personal conclusion. Leaders must not allow criticism to become the driving force in their lives whether it is positive or negative.[27]

Diehm says, “We tend to become the object of our attention. If we focus on what the critics say, we tend to become what they say we are. If we focus our attention on the good things we do, the good things tend to grow.”[28] Leaders become what they think about in many cases.

Spurgeon once gave a lecture to his students with the graphic title of “The Blind Eye and the Deaf Ear.” In that address he warns church leaders, “You cannot stop people’s tongues, and therefore the best thing is to stop your own ears and never mind what is spoken.”[29] In plain English, leaders should not look for trouble or pay attention to every word of criticism spoken against them. This title of Spurgeon’s lecture to his students serves as a memorable way of setting forth one of the main duties of leaders in regards to criticism.

The classic statement on the importance of ignoring critics comes from the pen of Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War:

If I were to try to read, much less to answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how—the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.[30]

From time to time, when appropriate, the best thing to do with criticism is to overlook it.

Refuse to Fight with Critics

Seldom, if ever, should leaders clash with their critics. Diehm calls attention to the fact that anger is not justified if the criticism is right, nor it is productive if the criticism is wrong. Rather, serious animosity may make the leader worthy of steady criticism later on.[31]

One of the most important things to remember, according to Marshall Shelley, is “when attacked by a dragon, do not become one.”[32] He then cites the apostle Paul, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody” (Rom. 12:17).[33] Joseph serves as an example of one who handled criticism well when he said to his brothers, “ ‘You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good’ ” (Gen. 50:20). Many times observers, fairly or unfairly, determine the guilt or innocence of their leaders by how successfully they respond to criticism.

Whatever leaders do, they should not ‘demonize the opposition.’ If leaders do, their own followers may lose respect for them and fear to raise legitimate concerns later on themselves. The focus of criticism should remain on the purpose of the organization, not on the personality of the leader.[34]

Personal prayer affords one of the mightiest weapons available to leaders in their battles against destructive criticism. On those occasions, they should ask God to paint-the-dragon-red.[35] This type of prayer involves asking God to reveal the true nature of what people are saying or doing to others and to themselves, so that people might have the opportunity to repent, change their opinions, or, at least, know who to believe.

Many people when confronting criticism quote the adage, “Consider the source.” Like most maxims, this advice has been passed on from generation to generation because it has proven beneficial in so many instances. Some people frankly complain because they are complainers; others complain because they are crushed by the weight of deplorable situations in their lives. In these latter cases, Trevor Throness observes, “People who hurt the most, hurt the most. So always consider the source.”[36]

Leaders should adopt the philosophy of one self-made millionaire, who said, “I will accept criticism only from someone who has something to gain from my success.”[37] This way leaders can be relatively confident that the criticism is meant to be constructive. Those who care about leaders want them to succeed. Their criticisms can be relied upon to improve the situation, or at least to be motivated properly.

Resources to Help Cope with Criticism

Another way to disarm critics is to take advantage of the ‘AAAA’ approach to coping with criticism. First, leaders ‘acknowledge’ that they have heard the criticism. Second, they ‘ask’ the critic for more information. Third, they ‘align’ with the critic on something they both agree on. And fourth, leaders ‘add’ their own comments from their perspective.[38]

Alice Smith recommends that leaders “present the attacker [i.e., the critic] with a gift and an expression of thanks,” when the criticism is constructive.[39] Since so few people respond well to criticism, such an act of humility could turn a stern critic into a staunch champion.

A bold approach would be for leaders to take their critics along with them, if apropos, when they perform whatever task the critic thinks could be improved upon (e.g., visitation, interventions, confrontations, administration, etc.). The intent would be for the critic to discover how much easier it is to criticize than to correct many situations.[40]

In addition, Ben Patterson prescribes use of the following resources for dealing with critics: self-acceptance, rest, proper perspective, journaling, Scripture memorization, prayer partners, and family support.[41] As a pastor, he has survived several personal attacks over a long and fruitful ministry by taking advantage of these means.

Conclusion

In response to the question, ‘Why does God allow critics to attack leaders?’ several possible explanations exist. God may wish to correct leaders or bring balance into their lives. Or, God may want leaders to model for others how to receive criticism properly. And, God may even desire that leaders befriend their critics. Many people who criticize leaders are actually subtly crying out for help[42] But at the same time, leaders must learn how to manage their critics without harming themselves in the process. Prayerful implementation of these philosophical and practical responses will enable leaders to cope with criticism constructively.

PR

Notes

[1]Quoted in David Packer, “A Healthy Response to Criticism,” Church Administrator 40 (July 1998): 36.

[2]Erwin W. Lutzer, “How Do You Handle Criticism,” Moody Monthly 83 (April 1983): 83.

[3]William J. Diehm, Criticizing (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1986), 88.

[4]Ken Warren, “How to Read Your Critics: What 5 Different Detractors Say—and What They Really Need,” Leadership 19 (Spring 1998): 29.

[5]John C. Ortberg, “Breaking the Approval Addiction,” Leadership 13 (Summer 1992): 38.

[6]Ibid., 39.

[7]Diehm, 104-5.

[8]Kate Anderson, “Handling Criticism with Honesty and Grace,” Public Management 82 (May 2000): 30; [database on-line]; available from Infotrac, http.://www.cbc.ag.edu; Internet; accessed 3 March 2005.

[9]Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, edited by Dorothy Carnegie (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1984), 192.

[10]Ibid., 193.

[11]Ibid., 195.

[12]John C. Maxwell, Be a People Helper (Colorado Springs: Chariot Victor, 1994), 120-1.

[13]Armin Sommer, “ ‘Welcome! You’ve Got Hate Mail’: Coping with the Virtual Critic,” Leadership 20 (Fall 1999): 92-3.

[14]Reggie McNeal, A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000), 164.

[15]John A. Huffman, “How to Handle Criticism,” Preaching 12 (May/June 1997): 8.

[16]McNeal, 161.

[17]Huffman, 6.

[18]Jim Herrington, Mike Bonem, and James H. Furr, Leading Congregational Change: A Practical Guide for the Transformational Journey (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000), 40.

[19]Keith T. Manos, “Coming to Grips with Criticism,” Coach and Athletic Director 66 (August 1996): 6; [database on-line]; available from Infotrac, http.://www.cbc.ag.edu; Internet; accessed 3 March 2005.

[20]Jacob Weisberg, “Taking Criticism,” Folio: The Magazine for Magazine Management 29 (December 1, 2000): 21; [database on-line]; available from Infotrac, http.://www.cbc.ag.edu; Internet; accessed 3 March 2005.

[21]Maxwell. 123.

[22]McNeal, 164-6.

[23]Packer, 38.

[24]Charles H Spurgeon, Lectures to My Students (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1972), 324.

[25]Robert Taibbi, “The Give-and-Take of Criticism,” Current Health 2, A Weekly Reader Publication 19 (April 1993): 19; [database on-line]; available from Infotrac, http.://www.cbc.ag.edu; Internet; accessed 3 March 2005.

[26]McNeal, 158-9.

[27]Diehm, 94, 102.

[28]Ibid., 107.

[29]Spurgeon, 321.

[30]Carnegie, 197.

[31]Diehm, 82.

[32]Marshall Shelley, Well-Intentioned Dragons: Ministering to Problem People in the Church (Carol Stream, Ill.: Word, 1985), 61.

[33]All scriptural quotations are from the New International Version of the Bible.

[34]McNeal, 161-2.

[35]Leanne Payne, “Prayer When They Slander You: How to Call Heavenly Reinforcements for Your Earthly Battle,” Leadership 19 (Spring 1998): 50.

[36]Trevor Throness, “Handling Criticism,” Group 24 (September 1998): 109.

[37]Fred Smith, “The Care and Feeding of Critics: How to Feed the Hand That Bites You,” Leadership 16 (Winter 1995): 32.

[38]Anderson, 30.

[39]Alice Smith, “How to Respond When You Are Spiritually Attacked,” Charisma (July 1999): 81.

[40]Walt Mueller, “How to Handle Flak: Responding with Grace When You’re Criticized for Leaving the Holy Huddle,” Discipleship Journal 21 (March 2001): 46.

[41]Ben Patterson, “Wiring Yourself for Lightning: When You’re the Church Lightning Rod, You Have to Be Well Grounded,” Leadership 14 (Spring 1993): 72-5.

[42]Jim Abrahamson, “Hearing God When a Critic Speaks: Turning Negative Comments into a Constructive Expensive,” Leadership 19 (Fall 1998): 87-8.